Harry Gets Drunk
by hashtaghartwin
Summary: Exactly what the title implies- in which Eggsy invites Harry to his house and challenges him to a little drinking competition. I've always wondered what Harry would be like drunk. Mild swearing, alcoholism, and Hartwin.
1. Chapter 1

My first fanfic. Please leave a review! Any comments are appreciated. Thank you for reading.

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**Warning: _HARTWIIIIIIN_**

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"Roxy," he begins carefully. She looks up from her novel, eyebrows raised. "Have you ever wondered if Kingsman agents ever get drunk? I mean, with all the booze they're always downing. Is it even possible for them to get drunk?" She gives him an amused look from across the coffee table.

"No, it's never crossed my mind," she replies. "Why?"

Eggsy gives her a wicked grin.

* * *

"Harry," Eggsy calls from inside the dressing room. Harry glances towards him while still examining a long catalogue of newly arrived fabrics. Eggsy just had a new suit made.

"Yes, Eggsy?" he asks, strolling over to where the boy has his head peeked out from the door.

"I'm having a part- I mean, a little soiree. Saturday evening. I was wondering if you would like to come?" Eggsy asks politely, not giving anything away.

"Ah. Although I'd love to, I have to attend a gala Sunday morning in New York," he responds, referring to a mission.

"Oh right," Eggsy suddenly exclaims. "I forgot to tell you, Roxy wanted me to pass onto you that it's been cancelled." In truth, Roxy pulled a favor with Gawain and so the agent was subbing for Harry.

"Is that so," Harry says, slightly surprised. He gives Eggsy a small smile. "Well, then. I suppose I have no excuse to miss out on a… Saturday evening soiree," he adds dryly. No doubt he's called Eggsy's bluff. But Eggsy just gives him an innocent grin.

"Great." He opens the dressing room door fully. Harry's eyes widen slightly, lips parting to form a small 'o'. "How do I look?" he asks, gesturing at his new suit with a coy smile.

"The jacket is a bit short, to my taste," Harry manages. Eggsy scowls. "But…" he adds. "A very good quality make, if I do say so myself." Eggsy gives him a questioning look. Harry winks, looking Eggsy straight in the eye. "If you know what I mean." Eggsy turns pink at the comment and promptly shuts the door.

* * *

"Ten gallons of Guinness," Roxy says, pointing at a stack of boxes against the wall. She gives Eggsy a smug smile.

"Fucking hell, Rox," Eggsy whistles. "If Harry doesn't pass out, I don't know what I'll do." Roxy shrugs.

"So what's your plan? You can't just have him drinking all by himself. And I'm positive he won't just start drinking excessively."

"I got it, bruv." Eggsy grins. "I'm gonna challenge him to a drinking competition."

Roxy blinks.

"Um, hate to break it to you, Eggsy… but you don't keep your alcohol down very well. And certainly not as well as someone like Harry."

"Nah, I know. But I'm just going to _look_ like I'm drinking a lot. Harry definitely won't let himself lose to a novice like me. It wouldn't be _gentlemanly,"_ Eggsy explains.

"And how, exactly, are you going to fool a senior Kingsman agent?"

"Leave that," Eggsy says with a steely determination, "to me."

* * *

_And that's a wrap for now. Next chapter- Harry gets drunk. XD_


	2. Chapter 2

Well, here we go then. This is set at Eggsy's house. Enjoy, and please leave a review! Thank you for following and faving. :)

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"Ah, Harry," Eggsy says cheerily, opening the door of his Kingsman issued house. "Come in, come in." His mum and baby sister are staying at a family friend's house, so the house is empty, save for Eggsy.

"Thank you," Harry murmurs politely as he steps inside. Eggsy shuts the door behind him and offers to take his coat.

"Rox 'n Merlin are in the living room," Eggsy says. Harry nods before following him.

"Ah, Harry!" Merlin exclaims, a bit red-faced. He holds a glass of scotch in his hand. Roxy's biting her lip, trying in vain to hide a grin. "Nice to see you."

"And you, as usual," Harry responds. He motions to the drink in Merlin's hand. "How many of those have you had so far?"

"A gentleman doesn't ask such questions," Merlin retorts, waving him off. He sets the glass down anyways.

"Fair enough," Harry shrugs.

The night progresses quickly, in a calm fashion with a wide variety of martinis. That is, of course, until Eggsy suggests that he and Harry should have a drinking contest.

"Ridiculous," Harry scoffs, shaking his head. "Absolutely not."

"What?" Eggsy protests. "Why not?"

"First, it wouldn't be proper. Second, it wouldn't be fair," Harry says, shooting Eggsy an unreasonably affronted look. Eggsy laughs.

"Oh no. I bet you're too scared to be up against this sexy beast," he replies. Eggsy's already had a solid number of drinks as well.

"Certainly not."

"Prove it," Eggsy challenges, eyes glinting.

"No."

"Old man," Eggsy scoffs. Harry's vision flashes red. He slams a fist down on the table. Eggsy doesn't even flinch. He only smirks.

"Alright, then. As a gentleman, I accept your challenge."

"Ooh," Roxy and Merlin call. Roxy springs up from her seat and busies herself in the kitchen. A moment later, she carries out a large tray with eight glasses of Guinness balanced precariously upon it.

"Last bloke standing wins," Eggsy hisses, grabbing a glass off of the tray. Harry copies him.

"Ready…" Roxy says. "Set. Go!"

Eggsy chugs down the first glass. Harry does the same. They continue like that, until every glass stands empty. Roxy cheers, rushing into the kitchen to set up another round. Eggsy's feeling a bit woozy. Harry, on the other hand, seems completely unfazed. He gives Eggsy and amused look, as if saying, this is nothing. Which, of course, it probably wasn't.

Three rounds and twelve glasses apiece later, Harry's face has turned a rosy shade. Eggsy pretends to look slightly disheveled. In reality, though, he feels nothing. Mainly, of course, due to the fact that he hadn't consumed alcohol for the past half hour or so. Just a lot of Ribena- a popular blackcurrant juice drink the exact same dark shade as Guinness.

By the fifth round, Harry is obviously intoxicated. Eggsy decides that it's in his best interests to give up.

"I'm done," he slurs. Harry gives him a grin.

"Toldja… toldja so, you tosser," he exclaims, a slight lilt in his voice.

"Dance party," Roxy interjects. Merlin is snoozing on the couch. She prods him awake. She repeats herself, running to turn the stereo on. A hip song plays on the radio. Eggsy outright grins at Roxy. He grabs Harry's hand, leads him to the middle of the living room, and starts dancing.

Harry stares at him.

Eggsy pauses, unsure.

"No," Harry blurts out, his voice rough. "Keep dancing. I want to watch." He gives Eggsy a cat-like smirk. Eggsy blushes.

Five minutes later, Eggsy's grinding against Eggsy, and Harry has to bite his lip so hard he can taste blood to keep from moaning aloud.

"Fucking hell, Harry," Eggsy groans.

And then Harry starts to dance.

Fucking Michael Jackson style.

Eggsy can only stand, staring, completely entranced.

He doesn't even notice Roxy and Merlin leaving from the front door.

"Dance for me, Eggsy," Harry commands while doing the moonwalk.

That's when something in Eggsy breaks. Harry is just so fucking sexy with his hair slightly out of place and in his eyes, doing the most fucking amazing dance moves that Eggsy can't take it anymore.

"You fucking twat." Harry stops dancing. He sidles up to Eggsy, grabs his chin, tilts it upwards. Eggsy's heart stops. He could close the gap… it was only an inch, a mere inch…

"Harry," he breathes. "I have to tell you something."

"What, love?" Harry whispers, hands slinking over Eggsy's shoulders.

"You're intoxicated."

"By you."

"No. Like," Eggsy coughs. "By alcohol." Harry smiles.

"I know, and I know you were cheating and drinking Ribena." Eggsy can't help but let out a strangled gasp.

"You knew? Then why didn't you say anything?"

"Did you want me to?"

"No," Eggsy breathes, looking into Harry's eyes.

"Good lad," Harry replies. Suddenly, he takes a step back, rearranges himself and his jacket, and gives Eggsy a knowing look. His eyes are suddenly clear, his posture is ramrod straight and expression alert. He isn't intoxicated in the least. He straightens his suit jacket with a flick of his wrists.

Eggsy simply gapes.

"And," Harry adds, "although I'm a gentleman, I don't have to play by the rules." With that, he tips his head at Eggsy. "As well, remember this, Eggsy. I don't get drunk." He winks at Eggsy.

"I… you… but…" he stammers.

"Well, I must be on my way," Harry sighs. A taxi is waiting. "Good night, Eggsy," he murmurs.

"Harry, wait," Eggsy calls. Harry turns to him, and before Eggsy can think about the repercussions of what he's about to do, he kisses Harry gently.

At first, there's no response and Eggsy's face heats up in embarrassment. But then Harry lengthens the kiss, and nips Eggsy's lip playfully.

"Harry," Eggsy starts as they break apart, breathless. "You never did teach me how to make a proper martini."

"Fancy that, I never did," he replies thoughtfully. "Well then, I do apologize. Perhaps you would like to meet up at my house, seven p.m. sharp, tomorrow evening."

"Thanks, Harry," Eggsy manages, not quite believing his ears.

"It's my pleasure," Harry murmurs.

Based on the way he says 'pleasure', Eggsy has the feeling martini mixing isn't the only thing they'll be doing.

"Goodnight, Eggsy," Harry repeats with an air of finality. He heads down the stairs and disappears into the waiting taxi.

"Goodnight, Harry," Eggsy sighs.

* * *

Damn, turns out Harry wasn't _actually _drunk. I wonder if Kingsman Agents can actually get drunk? Maybe next time, on something stronger than Guinness... maybe a couple of martinis will do the trick? Also, the rating might change. But I'm not making any promises... O_^

STAY TUNED FOR EGGSY AT HARRY'S HOUSE doing some of da martini mixin'... if you know what I mean. ;)

THANKS FOR READING


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